Tags: nights at the circus

MD Final Ch 2 - Day 2

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To be honest, yesterday was catastrophic - a combination of self sabotage and outside things happening (Prodigal 2 in a funk because he lost his job in telesales).  It was all a bit 'dark night of the soul' stuff, too.  Like, 'You're not good enough/You're going to run out of time/There will be nothing on the other side when you get out.'  On and on.  Inner voice carping and I wonder why I won't let myself be good enough to get this important mark (major dissertation = 40% of final year mark).  Today I have been up since the early hours and am more driven, plodding on and seeing what I can achieve today.

There are more than enough words, but I am adding the academic stuff and turning it more into an argument.  Let's see what this looks like at nine tonight :-D

21:13
I have just done a quick tally to see how many words have been contributed to the final dissertation so far. 9,069.  There will be a lot more written and pared back before I submit.  For instance, I know for a face that I really should at least five more outside sources in this chapter alone and I have precious little for ch3.  Plus 500 approximately for the conclusion.  Still, it is heartening to see.


A friend of mine is due home tonight and she is usually my confidante.  I think I need a bit of a pep talk, so sometime over the next few days, i will have a chat - albeit brief.


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Major Dissertation Ch 2/Draft 6 - Part I

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I have emailed the lecturer 1,129 words as the first part (preamble til when Fevvers and Lizzie fall out over the Grand Duke) and I now don't envisage the rest of my understanding of it to be much more than 800 words - seriously hoping to leave 500 word elbow room.  Am already starting to sketch out chapter three, but as of tomorrow, I may have to drop the dissertation for a bit, so I can launch into the satire module - specifically Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal, as I plan to write about this very soon.

Meanwhile, I take a break - it's cold and I think I will call it a day :-)

Angela Carter - Angels Are The Key

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I was starting to have a bit of a knotty problem with Nights At The Circus, because although I could see a thread, I was unable to articulate enough to pull it through.  I seem to have my best 'Eureka!' moments, either as I am about to sleep, or when I am doing something as mundane as brushing my teeth - then having to hold key acronyms in my mind so I could transcribe my ideas onto virtual post it note on the Android, or (as usual) scappy bits of paper beford I make inky philophies (which no one else can decipher) on my wipe board.

I still have a fair way to go, but I think I will post the gist if it to said lecturer tonight and see what he thinks.  Meanwhile I have many words to type before I fall asleep.

Further Forward



After a night of note taking and time pondering, I * believe * I am on the right track and have taken the first 600 words, putting them into a different context. I promised my dissertation lecturer that I will email him a synopsis of the revised edition (first 1,000 words). Whichever way I look at it, I will have to stay on this task for the next couple of days before I leave it for my satire assignment (Swift's 'A Modest Proposal').

Still, time for bed and to rinse/repeat tomorrow.

Back to the Drawing Board (A-Gain)

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Must admit to going back to stage one of the second chapter and even further back to rewrite an intro, so that the rest of the essay chapters fall into place.  I am trying to figure what it is that I am missing, why the bloody thing lacks coherence.   If I am centering in on 'the mother' what does that mean in the instances that you have chosen.  On and on and on.  I have got to get a handle on this, or I can't write the diss, pure and simple.

21:25
A lot of head scratching today and a lot of referring back to the intro and the first chapter (oh and the 'recommendations to both).  What is it that I am not conveying?  Beats me right now.  Maybe I am not signposting the bloody obvious again - perhaps I am expecting them to be mind readers.  A bit 'FFS, you MUST have read the book, haven't you?' (and dare I say it, I sense that my lecturer has not = male and specialising in war history and Victorian imperialism).  I I maybe speaking out of turn and he is a sweet guy.

Going to bed.  This is going to be my ever waking breath from now til May 3rd.  67 days then - or less, actually as I am meant to get it to the media centre way before this.  Brilliant.





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February Platform


Mournful morning, followed by a difficult meeting with diss lecturer, who as sweet as he was - we both knew that chapter 2 has been a bit of a lash up. Disheartened, but I will look at it again with fresh eyes.

Also - mini panic when earphone split in my ear, whilst I was on the train, leaving half its contents in my ear canal. Managed to get plastic part out, but sucky-rubber end was lodged for over half an hour. Hot train = humidity and it caused a vacuum. As pure luck would have it, we went through a long tunnel quickly and the sudden increase/decrease of air pressure was enough to release it - managed to scrabble and dislodge the final part (albeit discreetly - the middle of a crowded train is NOT the place to have an earpiece malfunction and be able to retrieve both fractured earpiece and dignity. Especially if you are are trying not to show you are panicking).

Now comatosed and eager to get home.

Major Dissertation Ch 2/D = Again, I Don't Know

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I haven't been at my desk since Monday and I sit looking at it, well blankly quite frankly, my dear.  Weather is being it's usual misbehaving self, either stormy and freaky or just hungover grey.  Penzance is especially getting a lashing and the above photo is a comparatively bright one of the waves just crashing in.  More photos and footage HERE

Well, time to open up the document and contemplate the next step.

23:02
Bit fed up as I have got problems with trigeminal neuralgia at the moment, but for some reason on a different side of my face (meh, it's all related and inconvenient, though at a level that I can deal with at the moment). Can't say that I've achieved much, but I have done some work and even added academic that will be absolutely polemic to the argument.  Full speed ahead tomorrow.

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Major Dissertation Ch 2/D = I Don't Know

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I am deeply frustrated as events have kept me away from the keyboard and I have a VERY long day in Plymouth tomorrow - catching an early train and probably won't be back til after 9pm.  I have tried to reassemble by rewriting then trying to research at the same time.  I am becoming rather unstuck as neither are working for me at the moment.  At least P2 and Hubby are out at the moment, which makes writing so very much easier.

I have printed out my old Bluebeard mini dissertation, so I can see what kind of lexis I used there - part of this to stop me citing myself; another is that I "cannot 'brain' today, I have the 'dumb.'"

20:10
The only way to deal with this is to cut the essay into thirds as I need to crunch down the waffle to the more complex, yet still component parts.  I can see me doing this to Doomsday - but I have a mere 92 days left, so that's not an option.


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Now I Have Got It Back - What Do I Do With It?

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(Picture is unrelated, but have you noticed that coconut oil/aloe vera/apple cider vinegar seems to be THE thing to sort out everything from Jock itch to Tsetse Fly? If in doubt, liberally daub all over life).

I have read my tutor's observations on chapter two and have now got to the point where I am scratching my head (Ti Tree oil is another).  I have amended a few things, but now I have got to REALLY think what I want to say, because I don't feel inspired to write ANYTHING on the subject.  I think I will have to scuttle off and do some research - that may help.  That and dictaphone.

21:02
Funny how things are.  I pondered for hours without writing a thing, even  cleaned the board and stared at it for a while.  Eventually, I had a 'penny drop' moment and I think I have reworked the plan to my advantage and it looks nothing like the original essay or it's plan, but I do believe that I am nearer to getting it sussed.

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Major Dissertation Ch 2/Day 6


I have made much more progress today, essentially taking the essay apart and putting it back together.  Now the thorough rewrite starts.  Thing is, I think it might be better to improve it a little, THEN take it to the head honcho for his point of view.  Which could be ages yet and I really don't want to be twiddling my thumbs.  I think I should look at the Satire syllabus and start reading up on that - it will give me a break from the dissertation and give me the heads up as to what is expected.

This is the order of play for the first couple of weeks:

Killing Joke:  Satire, Power, Death and Comedy

The Classical Satirists: Railing, Grinning and Sitting Down to Tea/Extracts from Horace, Juvenal and Lucian.


Not sure whether to embrace this or run for the hills, to be frank.  There is a whole lot of satire going down re the recent turn of events in the western world, so I look on with interest to how this is going to be handled.


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