Scully: (talking into dictaphone) Case number D-P-28081997. Body found in Gloucester, Massachusetts.The deceased is a Dr John Foster - a mature adult male, with advanced tissue decomposition. Weight: a hundred and fifty pounds; height: seventy inches. Intact skin from ribcage to cranium is consistent with rate of decomposition - lower torso is mottled and discoloured, due to exposure and submergence in an aqueous bacterial liquid, such as a small body of stagnant water.
Cause and time of death are unknown and cannot be accurately determined, due to the deceased subjection to the cold environment. It appears that Dr Foster entered the body of water of his own accord. Whether he misjudged the depth of water, believing it to be a mere puddle, remains to be seen.
Mulder: You don’t believe this is substantial enough to warrant an investigation?
Scully: If there was a legitimate reason, Mulder. This evidence is consistent with a man who became stuck in a storm drain.
Mulder: Try telling that to the local townsfolk or the good doctor’s family. I want tissue samples and x-rays. I'd like blood type and toxicology and a full genetic work-up.
Scully: You don't honestly believe this is some kind of an extra-terrestrial? Your insistence of time loss due to unknown forces - cannot be validated or substantiated, Mulder. He simply stepped into a puddle right up to his middle and never went there again.
Mulder: This is the essence of science, you ask an impertinent question and you're on your way to a pertinent answer. This man did not contribute to his own demise, Scully.
Scully: (at home, on her laptop) Further official laboratory inspection of the body and x-ray analysis has confirmed the mutilated physiology of Dr Foster. The position of the unusual ocular cavities of the deceased, has fuelled agent Mulder’s newest theory - that Dr Foster could have been a human hybrid from the delphinidae family. This theory cannot be substantiated and Dr Foster is most definitely not a dolphin...
Disclaimer - this is a spoof by calico_pye - No copyright infringement intended (with apologies to Chris Carter).