Well, without trying to sound too fed up, I have had several 'nasty turns' since My Heart & I Are Not On Speaking Terms entry. I was in A&E, for one episode, but was discharged as my sats settled down and everything had returned to normal. Last bad turn was in front of a friend of mine, who is a former theatre nurse. I was advised to like flat with my legs above my head and within 5 minutes, I was feeling a LOT better. So, the low resting beat and the blackouts suggest bradycardia, as confirmed my gp and explains why I am not getting oxygenated blood to the brain.
There have been other developments, too - like having a 'swimmy', or 'pulling outward of my vision' or 'falling' sensation, which is followed by a sudden decrease of air from the lungs. Checking the heart rate on the fitbit does not correspond with the bpm being exceptionally low. I am hoping to be further forward tomorrow, when I have a phone consultation with neurology. I am to be fitted with the ECG in just over a fortnight. I really need answers, because I am due back at the Henhouse in late September.
Right now I feel vulnerable. No driving, doors to the bathroom to remain unlocked and no solo walking expeditions. Family members are nearby. Makes me feel less of a walking bullseye, but still wary of what I'm doing. There have been brighter days though.
A friend read Tennyson's Lady of Shallot to me under the apple tree in the back garden, wanting to discuss the interpretation of it. Well - *cracks knuckles* - this is meat and bread for me, so we opened discussion. How the beginning sounds idyllic, beautiful depictions of the land covered with flowers and fields, then the reader happens upon the grey building with walls and towers. The lady imprisoned possibly refers to the ideals of social expectation of courtship, marriage and child rearing. She is highly bred, possibly prized for her virginity and feels without agency. She is glimpsing the roles of the outside world through a mirror, but is not part of it.
Does she feel peace or frustration? Probably both. the poem has the theme of almost every fairy tale, of a princess that needs to be rescued. Her knight calls, she makes good her escape, but it is her undoing. Her curse sees her recumbent body on a boat afloat, drifting towards Camelot. A common argument is it's the dilemma of the Artist Vs the Outside World and various other polar opposites, plus an idea that it was Tennyson's view of England at that time. My friend's interpretation is that it is the spirit wrestling with the engagement of the outside world. I gave them Freud's view, that a female trapped inside a grey phallus tower is an ideololgy that ruins both men and women.
So many interpretations, if you read deep enough.