Mean As Custard (calico_pye) wrote,
Mean As Custard
calico_pye

  • Music:

Dark Night of the Soul



I have been back doing ten hour days at the photo lab for just over 5 weeks now. I knew that exhaustion was setting in, but as it was a Friday and I thought I could push through. Instead of my usual 04:30 wake up call, I awoke at 02:37 and couldn't go back to sleep - I also had nightmares and the above song as an earworm in my head. I stayed in bed for an hour and thought - what the heck, if I get up now and have a leisurely wash and breakfast, then I will feel better. I got to within 20 minutes of setting out through the door, when I had the feeling I was in trouble. I knew that if I got there, I would wake up properly but after the essential adrenaline rush of the morning, it would go all wrong. And it did - BEFORE I left the building. I felt like I couldn't move and I immediately phoned my friend and coworker, who was giving me a lift and asked her to convey my apologies. I keeled over and slept 13 hours, woke for a while to eat and drink, then slept another 6.  Even today, I am still exhausted and the UK heatwave isn't helping.

A few weeks ago, I had an 'event' - my left eye turned inward on its own accord and I panicked, tried to find a mirror, but then it righted itself again. I have been occasionally been getting double vision in that eye ever since I had an allergic reaction that caused my eye to swell up in February. Also, my youngest son had a conversation with me and peered closer to my face, saying: " what on earth - you are hopelessly cross-eyed, Mum. How long has this been going on?"

After discussing this with the optician and the doctor, all kinds of flapping and worrying ensued from my general practice. I was a bit worried at their reaction, said I thought it was tiredness. I was sent for a consultation at the eye unit, and was given a clean bill of health. I was meant to be referred to neurology, but that was stopped by the senior GP practice manager, who swears it's just an eye problem. Junior partner does not agree that they should let this go so lightly and wants a blood test, looking for markers that will tell if there is a misfiring between the eye and the brain in some way (yeah, I didn't realise there was a blood test for that, either - the condition is called myasthenia, apparently). The blood test is this Thursday - I am sure it is that I am tired and need glasses, but the allergic reaction and the 'event' unnerved me some.

Today, I am resting further, besides doing washing up and a little laundry. The temperature outside is a toasty 24c (75.2f) and is hotter in the cottage. Brits don't use aircon - we have such cool even damp weather, not boiling, so it's not on our list of requirements. It's set to rise to 27c (80.6f) and to 30c (86f) on Monday. The latter is London-brick-oven heat for us here in Cornwall, which up until a few years ago, relied on the coastal breeze to calm things down. Not a leaf stirs out there right now and it's so humid, which contributes to the misery. At least with the London and the south east are rewarded with cracking thunderstorms. Not so on Cornwall's north coast.  The clouds will sulk, but they save their vindictive light show for north Cornwall or further up. Roasted during the day; poached at night.

Monday is Bloody Stupid Johnson's so called 'Freedom Day, where he has decided to ignore the infection stats and wants Britons to participate in a mega super spreader life, hoping that vaccinations and herd immunity will save the economy. He's bored now and all of his senior chums want everybody to return to their spend, spend, spend habits, lest their investments tank and their own lives get flushed away. Now, I'm not an idiot - we have built ourselves a disposable lifestyle with its built-in obsolescense. The economy relies on us being plastic-hawking, waste-spreading goblins. However, I think it's going to bite humanity in its well-padded arse. Alongside burning out the planet, humans now have Covid, which has made even the most robust of us more quickly dispensible than our regulatory three score and ten. This is why elitist twats like Branson, Musk et al are seeking innovative ways of leaving the planet rather than ploughing billions in to save it.  Fuckers. And no, I'm not going to sugarcoat it and censor myself. I am beyond giving a damn what people think, now.

Bit salty today, eh? It's all that sweat.
Tags: boris johnson, covid19, crabby, health issues, vids 2021
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