Mean As Custard (calico_pye) wrote,
Mean As Custard
calico_pye

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Rad Mona

Image may contain: 1 person, sitting and glasses

Well, I have left the holiday village.  I am wondering if I can do that kind of job anymore.  I have always been aware that customers can be difficult at times, but since lockdown was eased, I had never experienced the rudeness and sometimes very confrontational behaviours  I have experienced from holidaymakers.  Just because they were asked about a mask.  Trying to reason with them, or empathise, or just downright not enter any discussion with them while they rant is quite frankly exhausting.  My next usual seasonal job has come back to nada, so as of Monday, I am job hunting once more.

I just want to get back to some normality, or at least some kind of warmth and nourishment rather than the display patterns that I have been projecting.  Apparently, my art work has become jarring and worrying recently.   I felt a bit stung about that and now I have taken to keeping the stuff I do now largely under wraps.   Scrapbook journaling.  Diary of the Deranged.  It is true that I have been under a lot of pressure and it has bled out into my family life.  Maybe it's because life has become so bleak now that I can't see an upside, or leaving a job because I literally can't stand the overboss, only to experience a jobless void.  Or dire finances with mounting bills.  I've never left a job where my boss loves me and where I get on with my collegues before. 70% of the people who come through the door are largely pleasant.  So why now?

Short shifts but 6 days a week.  Evening shifts that keep you tied for the day.  Overboss on the other end of the phone...

What's wrong with me? Why can't I grow a thicker skin when I need it? Why am I so raw?  How has it come that it has driven me to become unemployed by my own hand?  After all, I was the one who gave my notice in.  However, the overboss was hoping to keep the shop open alongside the camp remaining open til Xmas.  In fact, the idea of no tomorrow without the holiday village just tipped me over.  I want to be at the next stage, where I am retrospective, but I can't when it still feels 'live'.
Tags: anxiety, aspie, the black dog, work
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