February 2nd, 2019

Bread and Roses

Work gives you meaning, a sense of purpose. Work gives structure, gives context as well as a wage that pays the bills and keeps the roof over one's head. When you don't have work, you quickly lose agency, you lose autonomy. You start to slip down. down. If you don't have a car for a period of time, you quickly lose your choices, your identity. Your life is at the whim of whomever commands the only car, basically the only wage earner in the home. For those who have managed to carve a niche and are more or less in control of their destiny, I take my hat off to you. Without meaning to trivialise, polarise or overly simplify, I wish I had a stronger drive, a more surer sense of identity. For me, it is like every small need on the bottom of the Marlow chart, is a bloody luxury for me. Life... is strained, muted. Instead of trying to fight it, I feel like I'm being dragged by the undertow. Losing dignity.

Either I work flat out or I don't have a job at all. Extremes that the bank manager doesn't appreciate.