July 25th, 2017

Talking Heads - "Once In A Lifetime"

I know this is horribly self indulgent, but when I finished my degree, I really thought there was going to be a 'penny drop' moment - that I was going to go 'WooHoo!!! I've done it!'  That I've proved it to myself and others and, true to type, thiis has been the case for various members of my year.  My friend, who like me, was a mature student said, 'What was it like? I ran down the street practically screaming "I DID IT - HURRAH!!!"

It has not been like that for me...

The accident, the abscess in my jaw (which is still lurking like 'Danger - UXB' until I get my tooth knocked out next week) and the death of Dill, has knocked me for six and in a way, I am still on pause - not celebrating, not commiserating.  Nothing.  It's been ten days now and other than feeling 'It's a means to a f***ing end' - nothing.  Bar anger issues surfacing in dreams where I am asking key people to stand up and apologise for the way they have treated me.  I imagined using celebratory music (mostly Jungle and Goldfrapp) - tried that, it felt hollow.  More pleasent things have happened - like my GradIntelligence account is now treating me as Plymouth University Alumna and I have got access to all kinds of goodies that I didn't before.  It is also confirmation that I won't be tap tapping away on a new assignment, arguing to the nth degree on different angles etc.  Relief in some way but...dread in others.  I have spent my life as a bookworm, then threw everything I have at the degree.  Now, I do not feel like I want to to read ANYTHING - classics, chick lit, comics - NADA.

Just limbo.

You may ask yourself, well / How did I get here? [...] And you may ask yourself /Am I right? Am I wrong? / And you may say yourself / "My God! What have I done?
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Dill's ashes are due back today.  We are hoping to sprinkle them on the lawn before the rainfall that is due tonight.
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Feline Sad: Cat who was 'Mayor' of Alaskan Town For 20 years Dies

Stubbs, the honorary feline mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, walks out of the West Rib Bar and Grill in 2016.
Stubbs, who liked to drink water and catnip from a margarita glass, was elected mayor of Talkeetna in 1998.

Stubbs, the honorary feline mayor of the Alaska town of Talkeetna, has died at the age of 20.

The animal’s owners announced the cat’s death late on Saturday in a statement.

“Stubbs lived for 20 years and 3 months,” the family wrote

“He was a trooper until the very last day of his life; meowing at us throughout the day to pet him or to come sit on the bed with him and let him snuggle and purr for hours in our lap.”

Full Story at The Guardian HERE

A lovely story - I can almost hear the opening credits for Northern Exposure already.  Here's hoping Denali can walk in his furry footsteps:-)