May 14th, 2017

Migraine - Virtual Reality

I have had migraines since I was 15 years old.  I get light and sound sensitivity and the aura/distorted vision - I can look at the sky or the tarmac and they both look like a seething mass.  Sometimes I get tunnel vision, plus nausea and if not treated, pain.  My ability to speak shuts down, too - so when people just say it's a bad headache, they simply have NO IDEA what it is like and most definitely not ever had a migraine themselves.

...Especially Myself

Image may contain: text

I don't know what is wrong with me.  I just don't have the impetus anymore.  It is like I submitted my diss and now I don't care.  I have written a bit on my last satire essay - but it is mostly bound with quotes rather than an actually argument.  Thing is - I'm done.  Done with the course, education etc.  I have been locked away for so long, it is literally a culture shock each time I go out further than 3 miles.  It's spring.  I've seen precious little of it.  I am surprised to see leaves, rain, shadows - like WTF?  Yet I don't to bow out with possibly the crappiest mark ever.  That's not good or me or my lecturer (who is a great lady and an absolute hoot).

I just have no drive and instead of stepping up to the challenge and finishing like a pro - I am dragging my heels, cussing all the way and just want to crawl across the line and f**k the results.  I need a good kick up the arse.  I would be most embarrassed to get such a frighteningly low score.  So I am going to offload onto dictaphone, give myself a bit of a kicking and get back to working it out properly.

Posted from changeling67 at Dreamwidth