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Tori Amos Weekend IX - Bells For Her

I wrote a short story called Blanket Friends, which (like Amos' intention of this track) is about the end of a friendship.  Now friendships can ebb and flow, some lose contact with little to no affect.  Others can be especially painful - for me, it was specifically one.  I had to write it out of my system, using the lyrics to Bells For Her.  It was such a betrayal, one I could not forgive.  Because guys aren't supposed to do that, do they?

Amos discusses her experience

"Bells for Her" is one of the most emotional moments on the record, because it handles the end of a friendship. You go through the life force and see how your friend walks out and you can't stop the things happening because of that, no matter what you try to do. Who tries to resist the life force gets sucked in. When you're confronted with a painful experience, a shocking deed of betrayal, you must be able to ventilate those feelings of anger and violence somewhere, but there are certain borders. You can't wound someone and just walk away. [Oor - January 29, 1994]

"Bells for Her" is the loss of a friend. From "Cornflake" to "The Waitress" to "Bells," "Bells" is the loss of -- and it's kind of backwards. I do the last thing first, and then the first last. But "Bells" is the spirit speaking, not the ego speaking, but the part of me that still loves a friend that for whatever reason you can't make a resolve. You just can't do it. The big lesson in this whole year is that there isn't a resolve for many things. [Baltimore Sun - January 1994]

I can wholeheartedly understand what she went through.  I haven't fell out with many people in my life, but when this one did, it unravelled years of history between us and I felt a pain that has never been replicated.  Like someone tore a strip out of my heart. When I drew how it felt, my heart had mandarin scar tissue formed on it.  I shredded both picture and story years later - but it is funny how somethings still sting.

and through the life force and there goes her friend
on her Nishiki it's out of time
and through the portal they can make amends

hey would you say whatever we're blanket friends
can't stop what's coming
can't stop what's on its way

and through the walls they made their mudpies
I've got your mind I said
she said I've your voice
I said you don't need my voice girl
you have your own
but you never thought it was enough of
so they went years and years
like sisters blanket girls
always there through that and this
there's nothing we cannot ever fix I said

can't stop what's coming
can't stop what's on its way
Bells and footfalls and soldiers and dolls
brothers and lovers she and I were
now she seems to be sand under his shoes
there's nothing I can do
can't stop what's coming
can't stop what's on its way

and now I speak to you are you in there
you have her face and her eyes
but you are not her
and we go at each other like blank ettes
who can't find their thread and their bare

can't stop loving
can't stop what is on its way
and I see it coming
and it's on its way

This is, something very similar has come full circle - and I (still) can't stop what's coming, I can't stop what is on it's way...

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very touching, my friend

thanks for sharing

Music for the Wee Hours

User pigshitpoet referenced to your post from Music for the Wee Hours saying: [...] poignant lyrics are heart gripping Originally posted by at Tori Amos Weekend IX - Bells For Her [...]

Re: Music for the Wee Hours

Thanks Botty and Mr P :-)

Yes. I have been through this, too. About 11 years ago, a friendship I had with a family – a couple and their teenage kids, whom I had known since infancy – hit the rocks. I had known them for about 18 years, had regarded their children as effectively a niece and nephew. Then I discovered they had simply been "tolerating me" and using me as a yardstick by which to measure their own self-appointed moral superiority (because they were Christians and vegetarians). Trust isn't something I give easily outside family, because I was bullied so much at school. This was devastating to me, and at a time when I was losing my job.

I love that song, too.

Why do people do that? Makes me cross :-/

I don't know. It hurt a lot. I realised that they'd actually been drawing out my opinion on various things over the years, just so they could pat themselves on the back and regard themselves as "better than me" (which I, frankly, do not accept – I acknowledge equals and inferiors, but no superiors! ;-D) They told me, patronisingly, at 41, that I "had a lot of growing up to do" (my life-experiences have been different to theirs, but are no less valid, not least the fact my Aspie-ness was then undiagnosed).

Pretty disgusting behaviour on their part. I know someone who is an undiagnosed Aspie who had similar treatment from a joint friend, who was (on the face of it) being pleasant towards her, but was mocking the Aspie's idiosyncrasies behind her back. I got a bit of it from her, think we both let the guilty party get away with it because she was was old and infirm.

I think they regarded me as a spoilt brat because I hadn't been able to face doing things like moving all over the country on 6 month contracts to get work, hence my career never took off. I don't think it ever occurred to them how terrifying that kind of unstable lifestyle was and is to me: I find moving deeply traumatic; I need to feel that I'm "at home" in a place, long-term.

I recall, once, being surprised (slightly shocked, actually) when we were discussing the BBC dramatisation of Gormenghast, that they thought I reminded them of Lady Fuchsia. I don't see it at all (except perhaps in her PreRaph-y look!): my romanticism is very much more tongue-in-cheek and played for laughs, and I identified more with Dr Prunesquallor, and with the Countess when she goes into avenging mode.

Edited at 2017-09-11 07:25 pm (UTC)

I have not seen or know of the series, though I do loosely know about Gormenghast.

I cannot understand people who have that need to network and shin up the career ladder. I too, yearn for stability/predictability - the idea of not knowing what my job and pay packet is in six months would be awfully stress. To misquote Pratchett - careers are for people who can't hold down jobs

They clearly saw me as some kind of entitled princess with no real grasp of reality; as if I were embracing (at the time) unemployment because I wasn't willing to pursue insecure posts to get a foot in the door. (In reality, I had been doing voluntary work & c to try to get a foot in, but was finding myself used and exploited for free).
The first crack in the friendship came when they exploded at me because I had said I didn't approve of religious segregation in education. Their children had been to segregated faith schools – but they hadn't told me this. Even so, they took my general statement of moral principles as a personal attack. They also didn't understand my view that, when travelling abroad, you should be willing to try local foods – and that included, in my view, taking a break from being vegetarian if it was going to make life difficult in a country where it wasn't common. To me, the whole point of travelling is doing something different. They accused me of a "lack of compassion for people and animals" (yeah, considering I'd been a supporter of various human rights charities for years…! And I'm sorry, but some animals are delicious, and there's an end o't.) What really stuck in my throat were their excuses for their children's racist 'humour' and stereotypes, which I didn't find funny at all. But I was the bad person, apparently.

As painful as it must have been, in the long run, you are better off without them.

Yup. It just left me for a time with the lingering fear that everyone I think of as my friends might be secretly despising me. But I try not to worry about that.

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