The Little Birds Fly

Down to the Calico Sea

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MD Final Ch 2 - Day 2
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To be honest, yesterday was catastrophic - a combination of self sabotage and outside things happening (Prodigal 2 in a funk because he lost his job in telesales).  It was all a bit 'dark night of the soul' stuff, too.  Like, 'You're not good enough/You're going to run out of time/There will be nothing on the other side when you get out.'  On and on.  Inner voice carping and I wonder why I won't let myself be good enough to get this important mark (major dissertation = 40% of final year mark).  Today I have been up since the early hours and am more driven, plodding on and seeing what I can achieve today.

There are more than enough words, but I am adding the academic stuff and turning it more into an argument.  Let's see what this looks like at nine tonight :-D

I have just done a quick tally to see how many words have been contributed to the final dissertation so far. 9,069.  There will be a lot more written and pared back before I submit.  For instance, I know for a face that I really should at least five more outside sources in this chapter alone and I have precious little for ch3.  Plus 500 approximately for the conclusion.  Still, it is heartening to see.

A friend of mine is due home tonight and she is usually my confidante.  I think I need a bit of a pep talk, so sometime over the next few days, i will have a chat - albeit brief.

Posted from changeling67 at Dreamwidth

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Good luck! I self sabotage, too. *hugs*

It's an ongoing battle - I start off with good intentions, but unless I really beat myself up, I let things slide. I have to be my own Sargent major. It sounds harsh, but it is the very thing that has gotten me through all of the hard times, like Hubby having an op right when I am at the point of editing my work, or there is about three ton of frozen grit falling on an early February morning. Still coming in when I have had bad colds etc, maintaining a healthy distance and swigging Lemsip. Or, at one stage, concussion and a twisted ankle which still saw me hobble in.

I would like to say it's because I am die-hard but it's mostly that I am scared witless to miss anything.

I was like that when I was in my final year. I was also working full time and doing theatre. It was insane and I'm still not sure how I lived through it.

Having trod the path of a scholar, I can feel your lonely pain, especially when there isn't any encouragement forthcoming. I suggest you keep going through the temporary bad patches and keep moving forward toward your ultimate goal and try to make post-graduation plans in the meantime.

Thank you - your words mean a lot. I will most definitely have to formulate post grad plans, so I have something to look forward to.

What is your field of study? Perhaps you could consider getting into the extension education self-employment business if you're tech savvy enough and there could be interested parties who would like to learn about your contents.

English degree. I am fairly tech savvy and learn quickly, so that is a possible line I could look into. Thank you.

I like the sentiment of the graphic. Books have saved my life.

I could not possibly imagine what my life would have been like without them.

I wish I COULD lose myself... it is not nice this body isn't. HOWEVER... I wish you so much goodness and strength and power and writeness and.... oh love.. oh just GOOOD Vibes. xxx

Is there any chance you could get an Audible account and listen to some downloads of books? I find they are a great comfort and listen to them at night before I go to sleep xxx

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