Mean As Custard (calico_pye) wrote,
Mean As Custard

Newsthump - Satirists Can’t F*****g Type Quick Enough

Man laptop, newsthump,

Newsthump article under cut for swearing.  Can so identify right now - minus the beardy smart-arsedness.  Just as you think you can kick back from the keyboard, another political oaf plays a trump card. Something is obvious though - Boris does NOT want the responsibility of activating Article 50.  Coward.

Satirists have issued a plea for politicians to stop being such a massive collection of half-headed cock-bongos, as a combination of RSI and worn out keyboards mean that they can’t type quick enough to keep up with the almost hourly bouts of catastrophic bellendery from Westminster.

“Seriously, this has got to stop,” said Simon Williams, an over-privileged, smart-arsed purveyor of left-wing bias thinly disguised as satire.

“I bash out one piece of 6th-form snarkiness about Tories, or Brexiters, or Nigel Farage doing something appalling, and I’ve barely got enough time for a sip of craft ale with my smug, beardy, pseudo-intellectual liberal cronies before they go and do something else appalling, and I’ve got to start all over again.

“And that’s not even including the handful of anti-Jeremy Corbyn pieces I’m contractually obliged to do to give the illusion of ‘balance’.”

Mr Williams, who writes for the second most popular Onion knock-off website in Britain claimed to have a plan to draw attention to his plight.

“I’ll do one of those smarmy, self-referential pieces about how difficult it is for satirists to keep up with everything.

“That’ll make me look both ironic and self-deprecating.

You must admit that the British government are becoming past masters at making absolute fools of themselves - over and above their normal quota. For the record, leaving us in the cacky just isn't cricket, Boris.  Really isn't.

Tags: boris johnson, news thump, politics, satire

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