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Empty Head, Empty Heart


This Friday, I will officially graduate from Plymouth University and on the face of it, I have achieved quite a bit.  From zero to BA English in five years takes some doing and generally, I am pleased with the end result.  So, as I collect my scroll and receive my handshake in the obligatory natty hat and gown - I will reflect on this in the positive.

However, something bothers me.  I feel like I have lost all creative impetus.  I last wrote anything of merit in my last year at Truro over two years ago.  Being baked on the stove of degree education has left me somewhat hollow in regards to ideas.  Locked in both my office (and by extention my head) with assignments to battle with has left me desert-dry creatively.  I don't even post on here much anymore, other than music and even that can be hit and miss. On the work front, I have applied for part time work back at my old (seasonal) job at the photographic lab at the bottom of the village.  Couldn't find something that reflected the degree, so I have gone to an old default setting, which will help pay bills and get my ancient car through its MOT between now and Xmas.   Plus, I was not ready to throw myself at the deep end.  A friend of mine, whose daughter has just finished her English/French degree, cannot understand that actually she doesn't know what to do post degree.  Part of this is down to the fact that degree-related jobs are a bit thin on the ground at the moment, plus also, I think there is a need to just NOT DO ANYTHING THAT HIGH-POWERED FOR A WHILE. Her mother doesn't understand it - but I do.  How cold love can be....

I was considering either NaNoWriMo or AO3, but have kicked them to the kerb for now - NaNo requires quite a bit of time and AO3 is good for fanfic, but I don't feel the drive to either use my favourite lit/screen characters and rethink their lives.  Also, not a smutfic fan (sorry guys), unless it is REALLY good and I don't feel inclined to write any of that, either.  Hopefully, this is just a brief, post degree malaise.  After all, I need a bit of rehab in the real world for a while and do things that I enjoy, but haven't done in a long while.  I don't mean to be lachrymose, but I do feel kinda walled up from the world at the moment.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
silverwhistle
Sep. 18th, 2017 07:59 pm (UTC)
Don't rush into things: you need time to recover from the degree and your various bits of ill-health. Look after yourself for a bit – you deserve it!
calico_pye
Sep. 18th, 2017 10:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks - yes, you are right. I just want to get the car through the MOT and my mobile phone bill paid. We are pretty broke at the moment and both of us are worrying about bills.
silverwhistle
Sep. 18th, 2017 11:17 pm (UTC)
Yup. Look after yourselves, rest, unwind. I was exhausted post-PhD, and couldn't face applying for postdocs & c, which screwed my career, but it would have burnt me out.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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