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Talking Heads - "Once In A Lifetime"



I know this is horribly self indulgent, but when I finished my degree, I really thought there was going to be a 'penny drop' moment - that I was going to go 'WooHoo!!! I've done it!'  That I've proved it to myself and others and, true to type, thiis has been the case for various members of my year.  My friend, who like me, was a mature student said, 'What was it like? I ran down the street practically screaming "I DID IT - HURRAH!!!"

It has not been like that for me...

The accident, the abscess in my jaw (which is still lurking like 'Danger - UXB' until I get my tooth knocked out next week) and the death of Dill, has knocked me for six and in a way, I am still on pause - not celebrating, not commiserating.  Nothing.  It's been ten days now and other than feeling 'It's a means to a f***ing end' - nothing.  Bar anger issues surfacing in dreams where I am asking key people to stand up and apologise for the way they have treated me.  I imagined using celebratory music (mostly Jungle and Goldfrapp) - tried that, it felt hollow.  More pleasent things have happened - like my GradIntelligence account is now treating me as Plymouth University Alumna and I have got access to all kinds of goodies that I didn't before.  It is also confirmation that I won't be tap tapping away on a new assignment, arguing to the nth degree on different angles etc.  Relief in some way but...dread in others.  I have spent my life as a bookworm, then threw everything I have at the degree.  Now, I do not feel like I want to to read ANYTHING - classics, chick lit, comics - NADA.

Just limbo.

You may ask yourself, well / How did I get here? [...] And you may ask yourself /Am I right? Am I wrong? / And you may say yourself / "My God! What have I done?


And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was

Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Under the water, carry the water
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again in the silent water
Under the rocks, and stones there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go to?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? Am I wrong?
And you may say yourself, "My God! What have I done?

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again in to the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Look where my hand was
Time isn't holding up
Time isn't after us
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was

Letting the days go by (same as it ever was)
Letting the days go by (same as it ever was)
Once in a lifetime
Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by

Dill's ashes are due back today.  We are hoping to sprinkle them on the lawn before the rainfall that is due tonight.

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Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
ecosopher
Jul. 25th, 2017 01:48 pm (UTC)
I think that final push at the end can always leave you feeling a bit empty and lost once it's done. And that's without all the other stuff like the accident and Dill. I can empathise. I hope you're feeling better soon. I'm sure the reading will come back in time -- it did for me. It just took a while.
calico_pye
Jul. 25th, 2017 01:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Bec - how is the foot?
ecosopher
Jul. 25th, 2017 02:03 pm (UTC)


I don't have a lot of pain right now, thankfully. I went to the doctor today and got a referral to an orthopaedic surgeon, and once I've seen him, I hope to also be able to start physio. Mostly I'm fine and generally positive but it does frustrate me just how long the recovery is for this (as I know you can understand!) I found a lot of people's stories online, talking about how even after months, they still couldn't walk without pain or fatigue, which is sad. But there have been a few really 'good news' type blogs and things, and I hope that my fitness before the fall will count in my favour, and I'll be one of those who bounces back.

Meanwhile I'm trying to use my time on the couch to write, write, write :)
calico_pye
Jul. 25th, 2017 02:07 pm (UTC)
I did my accident over two months ago. I can walk without hobbling now - still feels a bit twingey, but not too bad. From what I can remember, you were quite fit and healthy, so I think there is a lot in your favour for a successful recovery. Good luck anyway and enjoy your writing time :-)
pigshitpoet
Jul. 26th, 2017 02:16 am (UTC)
mostly
sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations after so faithfully fulfilling that dream...

rewards of the goddam dystopian hypocrisy methinks

may your road ahead be light of load and filled with joy

the journey begins!
calico_pye
Jul. 26th, 2017 05:56 pm (UTC)
Re: mostly
Thanks Mr P, I will snap out of it, I'm sure - but it does feel weird to feel at odds like this.
pigshitpoet
Jul. 27th, 2017 03:11 am (UTC)
Re: feeling at odds
odds and sods
i know what you mean about feeling at odds, it does feel odd, especially since we once knew better odds )))
i'm not simply feeling odd, i think i'm pretty odd naturally. maybe we can learn to embrace our oddness...
hugs
; )
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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